


Bear Witness

by fanderstothestanders



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brotherly Bonding, But Roman is narrating and his views are HEAVILY self-negative, Gen, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, I promise this is nicer than it sounds in the tags, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of depressive episodes, Post-Episode: Selfishness v. Selflessness, Roman needed some love after this newest video, Typical Remus Gore Mentions, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and I needed to vent, gore mentions, no one is unsympathetic, post-episode: Putting Others First, self-hate, there is some fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23972185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanderstothestanders/pseuds/fanderstothestanders
Summary: Roman can't handle the floodgates tearing themselves open after sinking out. From Patton losing faith in him to Thomas lying straight to his face, he was sure to be a crumbling mess anyway. But the final nail in the coffin, the final piece of painful shrapnel buried in him was being compared to the one thing he thought he could never be.But little did he know that he wasn't alone.
Relationships: BROTHERLY Creativitwins
Comments: 9
Kudos: 157





	Bear Witness

**Author's Note:**

> *** This is a vent fic that takes place immediately after the events of the latest Sanders Sides Episode, posted on 05/01/2020***  
> *I promise that this is fluffier than it sounds like, my boy needs some comfort and reassurance.*

Wet-eyed and hot with shame and anger, Roman rose up in the Mind Palace… alone. He knew he shouldn’t,  _ couldn’t _ , be alone right now. Not after everything he said, and did, and all the lies he believed for years just to get it all thrown back in his face by a sour serpent he’d once called kind. He’d spiral, and then where would he be? Even more of a pathetic excuse for a passionate prince. 

Even so, the Mind Palace wasn’t exactly buzzing with life at the moment. Virgil was still exhausted from all of the pressure Thomas put on him to save face at the wedding earlier that day and would be dreaming away in his room for several hours more, blissfully unaware of the turmoil that had gone on without him. Logan’s room seemed enticing to Roman at first glance-a place to be objective, to consider the past hour’s events from a rational perspective instead of the swirling, angry red mist in his mind. He tried the knob to feel it jolt at his touch-locked.  _ Of course _ . Logan would be furious at his behavior, and the fact that once again he was interrupted in favor of Decei-  _ him _ . There was no way talking to Logan now would be a good idea, he’d probably just tell Roman he was acting like a selfish moron again. So, he was alone. But he knew he wouldn’t be for long- Patton never liked giving others time to stew in their feelings when they were upset at him, or at least that was how it always felt- and he did not want to deal with a repeat of that K.O. now. So, his room was the only escape.

Roman’s room, unbeknownst to the other sides, had the unfortunate power of shifting to match the mood of its’ master. It changed the weather against the windowpane, the brightness of the lights( if there even were lights), the humidity in the air and the texture of the realm outside his window- the one way he accessed the kingdom of Imagination, his one haven from the reality where he was never good enough, never right enough, never smart or cool or funny or bold or original or sweet or perfect enough for anyone. The one place he could be truly alone when all the world was forsaking him as it was now. He dashed for it as soon as the door frame left his fingertips, not caring if anyone came in after him. He needed his refuge, and fast. There was no warmth in his bed anymore, no joy in the photos on his bedside table, no thrill in looking at the pieces of his broken gavel, no peace in the craft projects he’d already begun as a surprise for Patton’s next name day, no home or belonging in his sweaters or binders or costumes. He needed to get out of his head, away from the clawing wrongness all around him. He needed a place to disappear to. Little did he think on the fact that his room wasn’t all his anymore.

He ran to the cliffsides he’d created after finishing  Frozen 2 , staring off into the inky black expanse of the realm beyond him, and let out the piercing shriek he’d been holding in since sinking in. Speaking of sinking, he barely felt the jolt of pain his kneecaps sent to him after collapsing on the ground, shoulders twitching as he held himself, feeling every ounce of the guilt and heartbreak sinking in.

He’d figured he was on thin ice with the others lately, especially after being so willing to be led like a lovesick, foolish lamb by that disgusting death adder… or, for ever having doubts, if he was honest with himself.

“Honest,” he chuckled wetly to no one, “ well, if no one wants to lie to me anymore, not even to spare my feelings, I might as well get real with myself.” Virgil joining them was a move he’d questioned, and even as their relationship improved, he never truly understood why anyone who associated with his brother would come within a mile of him. He certainly never thought he’d be different enough for others to separate the two of them- and it turned out he was right about that, too. Logan had never been very fond of him; he was too loud and boisterous and filled with mistakes. It was his influence that led Thomas away from a successful career in science, after all. Virgil only liked him because he was easy to make fun of, stupid and hot-headed, and easily convinced. And Patton, of course, only saw Roman as a child in need of correcting… and it was clear he had lost all favor he curried by flirting with the righteous rattlesnake. But to hear Thomas lie directly to his face- try to convince Roman he still thought he was good, and fail- that was a blow too harsh for his fragile ego to recover from. If he wasn’t a hero, what did that make him? If he wasn’t sensitive, clever, well-mannered, considerate, passionate, charming, as kind as he’s handsome… What was he?

Alone, truly and utterly alone. That’s what he was. Or so he thought. His wailing continued until he was hoarse, and his wracking sobs only left him as weakened hiccups, and his chest was sore and achy by the time a sound from the brush startled him. His face contorted as his bleary eyes attempted to make out the shape approaching him, a shape nearly identical to his own. A shape that froze him to his spot on the ground. He tried to speak, but no words escaped his lips, just a meek sound from the back of his throat.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here for revenge… or for a re-do of our last reunion. I heard you come in, and I thought something was dying back here… I thought it might be cool to see some kind of mass lemming suicide or something. Then, I recognized your voice.”

Remus plopped down unceremoniously next to Roman’s wilted form.

“Guess I’m probably the last side you want to see right now. Evil twin come to body-snatch ya in your moment of weakness?” That garnered no response from his twitching twin. “Too soon, I get it. If it makes you feel any better, you never get used to hearing it. You reacted just like anyone else would being compared to me? I guess?” Roman fixed him with a look, and Remus felt a shiver go up his spine. “Ahhh, serious talk time, huh, stink-bug?” A nod was the only response he got. “Well, my best bit of advice is that my good buddy J.D. is fickle- he’ll feel guilty for what happened eventually, and he’ll come crawling to me to help him get you back in tip-top creative shape. And Heart-On is probably crying and baking you snickerdoodles as we speak. And Thomas is having a vivid dream of gluing his mouth shut so he doesn’t hurt you again, you're welcome… Nerdy Wolverine is blaring that playlist you made him, too. And Tickle-me-Emo is nightmare free for now.” 

Roman hardly looked as comforted as he wanted to.

“I get it, y’ know?” his brother continued, silly voice ticks falling, sunken eyes casting themselves down into the abyss below his boots. “That terrible feeling you feel in your slimy guts right now… like you’d rather be anyone else but you right now. Like you’d rather lose your voice entirely, that way you can never hurt anyone with words again. Being compared to me must kill you, and I don’t mean that in the fun way. Sucks being uncertain of your value, I know that. I used to feel just the same, every time we nearly got kicked out of Sunday school, or when Thomas ran out of that dance in junior high after his friend touched his butt, or when none of us slept for a week before Thomas came out to his family, or every Christmas when you all had cookies and movie night and us on the other side had drunk Scrabble. Or, when your old pals call you evil when you want to get a little notice from the big guy himself.” Roman was leaning against his brother now, gazing up in absolute disbelief. “But, it gets easier. You learn to live with it, no matter how much it takes the taste out of your lunch, or how it stretches your eyes open in the middle of the night when you wake up shaking and afraid and think that no one will care if you’re scared or-.”

Roman felt the first drop hit his face, and then the second, and so on until his twin brother pulled them both to their feet. “Roman, you are enough. You are so enough. It is actually fucking unbelievable how enough you are. Trust me, you won’t even need my advice. You’ll go back there and they’ll all fly off the handle to fix their mess with how they treated you. But, if they don’t, or even if they do… you still have me. No matter what. If that helps. I’ll always be with you, to keep you from falling off the edge of this cliff. I care, and I got you, ‘kay Ro-Bro?”

And with a sore throat, choking on tears for what felt like the umpteenth time, Roman croaked out, “Womb to Tomb, Snot-for-Brains?”

“Birth to Earth, Prince Underarm Stink.”

“Virgil already used that one,” Roman mumbled into the shoulder his head was pressed against in a tight embrace.

“Well, who do you think taught him how to use it?” 

Remus was used to detritus on his clothes, but the wet feeling of his brother’s tears soaking his coat was distinctly different from any he’d felt in years… he didn’t like it. “Ro, things are gonna get better. Even if I have to show up there with my morningstar and total lack of impulse control to make it happen, I will. But, they will get better, I swear on my left nut!”

And with that, two brothers, not quite alone in the world, and not quite healed of their pain walked back to their home together. Where things would, in fact, get better, someday. 


End file.
